i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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