do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
