you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
