"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
