...so i touched it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
