it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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