I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize