a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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