just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
