If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
