How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
