another moral hangover. fuck.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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