she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
