So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
