I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
