so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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