the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
