Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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