Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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