Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
