Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
