I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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