So drunk its hurt
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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