Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize