he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
