Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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