Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
