Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
