A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
