my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
