I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
