she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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