Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize