she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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