Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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