Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
