I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
