1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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