why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
