ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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