So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my penis made a compromise with my morals
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
