I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
