we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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