Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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