What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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