I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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