a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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