he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
