Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
