Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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