I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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