Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
