Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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