you would pick up someone in the library
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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