she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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