it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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