i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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