He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
