even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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