Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
