There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
