She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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