I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
