dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
