My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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