You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
