Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
