So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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